and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
