I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
