Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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