dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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