Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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