wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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