Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
