just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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