I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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