Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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