ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to make out with him forever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
