I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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