I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
