Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
