Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm bleeding and have questions
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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