It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
