I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
