She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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