Kiss
Puke
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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