Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
