I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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