I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
