after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
