Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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