Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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