Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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