I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
