Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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