It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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