My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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