i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize