My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
