so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
