Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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