Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
