He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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