I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
