upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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