he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml