wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
