Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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