I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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