sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
