He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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