I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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