Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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