Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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