Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
