So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
