Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
