ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
