He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
