I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
