why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think your dad took our porno
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
