I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
