Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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