It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
