Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think I died a long time ago.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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