There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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