So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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