we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
