the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
