He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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