Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize