Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
