i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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