i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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