Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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