Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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