mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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