When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
