K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
