she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
