I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
