That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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