1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
