He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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