There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize